there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
A bitchslap is in order.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
