There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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