I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
