Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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