its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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