Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
