he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
