I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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