Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
