im six kinds of drunk right now
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
