from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize