Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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