I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
