And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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