And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
