Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize