I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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