I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
