i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
