Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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