Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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