drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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