please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
