Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize