Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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