They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
