1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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