I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
