did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
