You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
