i don't like sucking hair
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
