I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
