i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
