Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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