I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize