Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
