New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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