My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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