You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
