even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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