I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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