The brown eye won't let me do that either.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
