just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When are your genitals available?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
