I think I died a long time ago.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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