so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
