my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
