Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
