the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She bit a glass in half.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
