I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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