His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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