Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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