you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
