I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
