My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
