I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
