If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
