The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
