I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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