We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
