I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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