drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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