I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
