dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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