I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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