it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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