this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
