Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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