i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
