tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Watching her eat just hurts me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
