Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
