Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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